Christmas by Sheila
Omg! Christmas already? Why is it I wonder that we know it is coming and yet every year it’s suddenly as though we turn around and its mere weeks away? I’m quite an organised person and its surprised even me this year.
Obviously this year for me is going to be very weird having lost my mum in February. She lived with us, so she of course was a massive part of the preparation. She always helped me unwrap all the decorations ready to go on the tree. We would put on a Christmas film in the background. I’d heat up mulled wine with a cinnamon stick, some orange slices and warm mince pies. Just to get into the spirit of it all, Then the decorating would commence. I have a fairly big house and because of our living arrangements we always had a tree in the hall, one in my mum’s lounge and one in mine. Each one 7ft tall! My husband and I got married on Christmas Eve too. So all in all a very special time of year. As I’m typing this and thinking how different this year will be especially when I get all the decorations down from the loft. I can feel the tears pricking my eyes and a lump forming in my throat .
But I know that’s not what my mum would have wanted. I’m sure many of you out there will have lost people that you were close to and this will resonate .
Doing what I do for a living has taught me so much about who I am. Being able to help people give advice, comfort, sharing with many what I’ve been through. So that they could in turn let go, knowing their loved one is safe and watching over them. That is all that is important in life - how we share what we’ve lived through and how we coped and grown because of it.
I know that this loss was always going to be life changing for my immediate family and I. It caused temporary rifts in relationships that I never believed could be damaged. It also showed me how to mend them and bring those people closer than ever before. Normally I go on about tinsel and trees and bows. I will try extra hard this year to make it all look special so that my grandchildren, step-children and biological children welcome to the world baby ‘Leon’. They will hopefully walk in and see Christmas in every room and light up inside. We’re going to play games and eat too much. I am praying I don’t burn the turkey (its happened before!). Most of all I’ll remember my mum/ I’m sure I’ll cry and miss her madly but I will remember that I’m not alone. I will think of others are in the same boat as me.
I will dig very deep and find the reasons I preach about to you all every year to be happy for all the blessings that I still have. I’ll put extra love into gifts that I’ve bought when I wrap them. I am accepting that change is part of life. The darkest hours are made bearable by the knowledge that the light will come and that this too will pass. So if you dread Christmas I’m there with you finding my light. Baby Leon, a much longed for grandchild, will help I know. So whatever you have or don’t have, Whether you’re alone or bombarded with people make the most of what you have and know you are not alone. Merry Christmas! A huge thank you for all the amazing support you’ve given me this year.